Thursday, June 18, 2020

An Introvert in the Middle East


Scene

Normal Middle Eastern household, celebrating Eid after a month of fasting. Fasting in relative solitude, with your small immediate family with the perfect excuse of worship and spiritual contemplation to ward off any social advances.

Eid is every introvert’s nightmare; the end of that quiet, blessed month of Ramadan God must have created just for us. On the surface, the objective of this holiday is to dress up and gather with your extended family over a large meal. If you are the head of the extended family, that means your house is under invasion from 7 o’clock in the morning by children wishing you “Eid mubarak” for some change and neighbors and friends visiting throughout the day and wishing you the same ending with Eid lunch after which your living room fills up with post Eid lunch comatose patients.

A Typical Eid in the Introvert’s Life

Alarm goes off at 6am and I have to drag myself out of bed to get ready for a full day of people and pleasantries. Knowing what’s ahead just makes it that much harder to get excited about this celebration but in this culture, it is blasphemous not to celebrate so not attending any of the functions is not an option.
I finish getting ready, trying to disguise myself as an extrovert to the best of my ability. The make up, dress and even the shoes are all designed to fool our guests into thinking I'm enjoying their company, while inside I vow to remain true to myself.

Next is getting everyone else ready and out of the house for the first visit. The first visit is basically a preview of all the rest until we settle down for the big lunch at the family house. Even though we’ve probably just seen them the day before, we must greet them with zeal and the usual multiple kisses starting with one kiss on one cheek then anywhere between two to half a dozen on the other depending on the length of the greeting. It goes a little like this: (one kiss on the left cheek) “Eid Mubarak”, (move to the right cheek) kiss “Eid Mubarak”, kiss “how are you”, kiss “i’m fine thank you”, kiss “how’s your mother?” kiss “she’s fine thank you, how’s your mother?” kiss “she’s well except for her glaucoma, she can barely see but thank God for everything”, kiss “oh so sorry to hear that i hope she gets well soon”, kiss, “how are the kids?” kiss, “they’re fine thank you”. A whole conversation unfolds with this unwelcome physical contact reminding me of my preferred greeting of a distant nod of acknowledgement of the other party’s existence. And then just as you thought you were done, next comes another inhabitant of that household with another barrage of kisses complemented with the same conversation you just had with the previous greeter. Once all the kisses are over I normally like to excuse myself to the bathroom where I enjoy a few moments of solitude and gather up some courage and hope I've wasted enough time for this first visit to be over.

After several other visits following the above-mentioned process, we reach the family house where I can relax a bit because it is full of people who know me and understand how painful these rituals are to me. Nevertheless, the process repeats itself except this time I am the host and they are entering and violating my personal space and turning my life into a kiss-fest I didn’t even ask for.

When all is said and done, kisses and conversations are out of the way and lunch consumed in abundance, the post-lunch coma begins as a welcome respite. Out comes my Kindle to bring me joy after a long and stressful day. Socializing for an introvert is like giving a cat a bath. You never enter it voluntarily but when it is forced upon you, it renders you completely helpless, but you must get through it but in the end you will be released back to your quiet solitude, your natural habitat, your safe haven...

General Advice For the Extroverts

  1. Don’t get offended:​ if your introverted guest is reluctant to come closer or is, what you might describe, unnaturally quiet that doesn’t mean they don’t like you or your company. They just don’t like the company at all, it's not personal! They could love you and still ignore you or try to avoid engaging with you at all costs. Seriously, it’s never you, it’s them.
  2. Try to understand them:​ instead of trying to reason with them and explaining to them why socializing is a good thing, get into their heads and understand them! Think of your most uncomfortable moment, one that makes you want to crawl out of your skin and possibly pull all your hair out. Remember that moment very well whenever you ask an introvert to do something social because this is how he/she feels when they are with other people they don’t know or even when they leave their house at all. Know that their intentions are always good and that they don’t have a mean bone in their body but that they just don’t like the same things you do. Would you try to change someone’s race or color? No. Then why would you want to change an introvert??
  3. If you love them, save them! ​When you are in the presence of an introvert who is forced into a social situation like Eid, you need to put on your supportive hat because they will need saving. When they come into your house, take them straight into an isolated room to give them time to adapt to being out of their homes. Introduce them to very few people, one at a time, but don’t make them engage in any kind of physical contact. Since they are your guests, it is your job to make up excuses to others for why your introverted guest cannot kiss them. Once all the introductions are over, make sure there is a chair that looks like it’s part of the gathering but is actually isolated and seat your introverted guest there. Once they’re seated and comfortable, they will be very happy to be left alone for the entire remainder of the evening. Also, if you really love them, just don’t invite them at all.