Monday, April 20, 2015

The DBA Monologues

Time: 7:00pm

Kids are in bed and I have to work on my paper I’ve been putting it off too long.

Ok but first I need to pick this loose thread off my shirt… It may take hours it’s a very stubborn thread. It’s been bothering me for weeks every time I wear this shirt but I’ve been putting that off too.

No… I will not cut it with scissors I have to get to the root of the problem or it will only come back!

Oh look what the cat’s doing! I must Snap this! But first let me Snap something about my paper so people will be impressed that I’m working so hard on it…

[Long period of staring into space and panicking about not finishing paper]

Ok how about I search for more literature? The 173 articles I already downloaded and neatly grouped into a folder marked “literature folder # 57” just don’t seem to be giving me what I need…


Hey this isn’t about identity conflict of working mothers in the Middle East! This says “working girls”! 

[Reads more feminist literature on prostitution in the Roman Empire]

Interesting as this is (NOT!) I should really get back to my paper. Best thing to do is to take each article separately and make my notes.

[Opens first article and reads the abstract]

Hey what was that noise!? Oh it’s my stomach… better get something to eat.

“Hello? Il Capo Pizza?”

[Re-reads abstract]

Darn bladder! I shouldn’t have had so much coffee! But it does enhance my cognitive abilities so its fine I’ll just go real quick.

[Re-re-reads abstract]

[Opens blank Word document]

[Stares at blinking cursor]

Hey I should write a blog post about staring at the blinking cursor! Maybe style it as a cross between Seinfeld and The Simpsons… but no, I must focus! The brilliant blog post can wait.

[Re-re-re-reads abstract]


Yay pizza’s here! I’m due for a break anyway I’ve been at it for too long…  

Time: 7:08